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I couldn’t do that

Posted in Advertising, Creative January 28th, 2008 by Jo Wallace

“I couldn’t do that.” said the policeman. That’s funny I thought. That line sounds familiar. Except I’m sure it’s not a policeman who’s meant to say it. I remember a TV campaign not so long ago that was entirely based on the premise that the police could do things that even Lennox Lewis was, by his own admission, too sissy to do. “I couldn’t do that” several hero-to-the-people types had confessed, referring to the work of the police, as they bashfully looked their adoring public in the eye. So, to hear a policeman say “I couldn’t do that” somewhat shattered my expectations. 

I was talking to a Sergeant because I’d had my scooter stolen - the second one in as many months - and the police had found it. This was good news on one hand, but bad news on the other as apparently, unless I was willing to pay £150 for the privilege of the police returning my property to me (or to a secure pound), it was solely my responsibility to go and collect it. From right outside the house of whoever had stolen it.

Call me a pansy, but as a young (ish), puny female with the fighting moves of Bruce Forsyth, I questioned whether I was really expected to wander into this potentially dangerous situation with no back-up. “Could you or one of your colleagues accompany me?” I asked. “No, I’m afraid I couldn’t do that.” There was that sentence. But why? “Seeing as you haven’t opted to pay for the recovery service we have done all we are duty-bound to do.” Of course, silly me. There I was thinking it was the police’s duty to protect the safety of the public. And don’t I already pay for that through various taxes..? Whilst I was dwelling on this matter the Sergeant had reached a solution to my concern over my safety: “Perhaps you could ask a friend to go with you?” Great idea! Except two of them are pregnant, none of them live anywhere near where the scooter was found, and none are built like Lennox Lewis.

I like my friends. And I like their faces as they are too. So I went on my own. When I got to the address the police had given (wishing I had asked a friend to come with me) my scooter was in fact no longer there. I’d called at an inconvenient time it would seem. The person who stole it was clearly busy with it; delivering pizzas in a newfound job perhaps?

The next day the police called me again, to tell me my scooter had once again been found. At the same address. It seemed to me this presented an ideal opportunity for the police to carry out another duty I believed was within their realm: to arrest the person responsible for the crime. Surely if they simply surveyed the scooter, the person who stole it would go to use it again, and, hey presto! But no. They “couldn’t do that” either. Apparently. Something about using up police time…

To cut what is becoming a very long story short; I am looking forward to the next advertising campaign for the police. I imagine the creatives will be briefed to deliver an ad that tells the public what a fantastic service the police provide. To assure people they can rely on the police to do everything within their powers to catch criminals, and protect the public’s safety. I just hope I’m not asked to work on it, because judging from my experience, I don’t think I could do that.